....and autumn falls

Today was a warm, lovely day reminiscent of the summer that we strated to have that degraded into rain in mid-August. During that month instead of feeling sun kissed, golden and in love with the earth, I felt anxious about my tomatoes (since gone mouldy) and a bit harrassed and windswept (mainly due to work). However, I am currently roaring down the A47 with the windows open each morning and enjoying the last fragments of freedom before Winter gobbles me up and pops me into hibernation.

Since last writing, the garden has come on in leaps and bounds with things actually growing and looking planty, except the mouldy tomatoes. Due to a rather large spider threatening to pull me into his web, I cannot reach the runner beans at the moment, but they look nice from a distance and I am sure all the insects are having a jolly nice feed.

Really, the summer has been successful and the OH and I are busier than ever. We are keen to finsih the house and save some dosh as we are off on our hols in December to sunny (hurray) Thailand for three weeks. In celebration, I have signed up to a mini photography course so I can take decent pictures amnd maybe one day, wow you dear reader with pictures of my my gardening and food attemps.

As winter falls, the nights are drawing in and as I write the dark has crept up and swallowed the room. Good night.

It's a bugs life

Well the courgette plant slowly crept up behind it's neighbouring bed fellows and grew over night. In the last few weeks it has overtaken most of the veg bed (now a courgette bed) and is producing flowere left right and centre. Great - so what is the ideal length to pick them? My book says 10 - 13cm, but that seems very small - should they not be a bit bigger? Is it just fashion speaking?

A keen gardener I know said they should be picked asap but that means they will be quite small - hardly enough to scoff in a ratatouille- but apparently they grow into marrow's overnight - hmmm reminds me of Wallace and Gromit and the Wererabbit. All I know is, I have pleanty of bugs and no rabbits, and courgettes have a prickly underside.

Now, the bugs in my garden seem to be very happy with my gardening efforts, when I see fly and so forth, I pop them outside and try to get all the bugs to die and get eaten by birds (my Mum's suggestion0, but birds don't seem to like landing in our garden - damn neighbours cats I think. Anyway, why are there so many different coloured micro bugs when one will do/ Why are they eating all the basil, the host and anything else they can scuttle to/ Slugs and snails aren't an issue - squash em, salt them, throw em; as long as they aren't near a plant fine. But these ones have little legs (I have good eyesight), and they have friends. I wish they would go and munch somewhere else, I can see gardening being a game of two halves- me planting and them munching. I didn't say fair halves.

First Blush

Wow. My first tomato popped of the vine last night. It was a mottled red with an orange tinge, and where it had been on the vine, a slight green knobble. It was small and perfectly round. It wasn't the deep, luscious red of tomatoes in supermarkets (no doubt fiddled with) but, it was just right. Deeply satisfied and excited that no doubt there will be a glut (please, please don't let the sun and heat burn them to a cinder!) I have decided to use that little, first tomato as a isgn to spur me on. I am now investigating wormeries so I can create my own feed to keep the sweet little things as happy as they make me....before I devour and wolf them all down as part of a summer feast!

Summer Days

Ah absolute bliss. I'd had a rather stressful day at the office on Friday and had called the OH requesting a much needed visit to the pub for that night - I needed a lot of beer, sun and the hum of sunny days conversation.

However, what a surprise! The boyfriend calls me back and says, let's go for a picnic by thr river - we know a great little spot.

So, when we were home from work that evening we packed some nibbles such as crisps and a muffin or two as well as salami, feta, oat biscuits, Prosecco, olives from Portugal and then off we set. We wandered down the shady, leafy lanes and oevr the train tracks and towards the river. About half way we towards the river, we crossed over a stile and ambled across the eadow, with it's huge singular trees amongst all the cut reeds. There is a little footpast that winds across twards the new Broad and en route, it crosses over a little bride lined with old telegraph poles. It is the perfect place to sit and look acros the waterway spotting bees humming in the clover, ladybirds and butterflies and watch the stunning (yellow)summer iris'sway in the breeze. As the evening cooled, we chatted, ate, enjoyed a perfect summer evening and then slowly walked home. Perfect.

England Wins!

.....well I did in the kitchen; and England won against Trinidad and Tobago in the World Cup tonight - very boring so I rummaged up a meal for my mate Andrew and I.

Fab chicken with cherry sauce - non too tart, I was a bit worried. Basically it goes like this:

Pan fry two chicken breast (I did 4) they should be dipped in seasoned flour first.

Then remove from the pan and add Dijon mustard or wholegrain, a generous splosh of white wine, balsamic vinegar, veg stock and seasoning. I also added onion and garlic. Pop the cherries in, as many as you prefer and then reduce. Add the chicken back to the pan or keep warm in the oven. Then serve with a selection of veg. We had pan fried asparagus, peas, and roasted potatoes done in Olive oil. All was great and followed by Ben and Jerry's ice cream, Porter Ale from St Peters Brewery and my Nan's homemade sloe gin - fantastic!

We have been sitting here playing about with design on the blog, set up a counter (like the worm?) and then A told me why Radio Norfolk keep playing a certain Queen song, he advised it was because of the world cup - typical.

Oh well, enjoy....

....and another thing (aka me and hopeless are twins)

.....as I was saying in Rants, it is all bit bad when two people get really angry and horrid with each other because there is so much feeling abound. I will never understand why I could love him and he could never love me, even though he wanted me to stay. He had no idea how hurt I was and I had no idea that he was more screwed up than I was. I wanted love and I wasn't looking for it but thought I had it - if that makes sense.

We used to have some marvellous times, larking about, eating out (food was a big thing) and I loved (and I mean LOVED) buying wacky presents for him.

He thought I was upset about his new girlfriend (well I was, but not to be sad enough to try and split them up, I seem to recall his ex doing that to us). It makes me angry though that he finally has respect for this new person, won't let her get upset, walks tall and proud with her, but hid me and appeared to have no respect for me. He doesn't get it but I needed to tell him how I felt and all the hurt and anxiety that had been bubbling away inside me for months whilst we were together, but wasn't allowed to tell in case I upset someone. His new relationship was a catalyst for this. Finally, the time when I try to tell someone how I feel and I lose them and they hate me. Do I really deserve that?

Sometimes there are points in a relationship when you know things and there are points when you ignore whats being said as you are too thrilled to be with that person. I hated being vulnerable every day and not knowing when my heart was going to break, or when i'd be stuffed in a cupboard to spare everyone else's feelings but mine. That's no fun.

I know! I chew everyone's ear off and they all think I am daft to feel so sad over it all as he's older and I have a more certain future now (alright, maybe I am) but hey, you got feeling, then you got soul! I mean, I finished it but I never thought I would say it was because I loved someone, which I did. Now I am a bunny boiler (according to him). And how can he work from a base where I am worse than the last one? If only you knew what she did! I am not even halfway there.

I was thinking last night - maybe it is me - there was my friend at UNI - I finished with him and then all my friends hated me, then there was the long termer at UNI - he went to another country (was I THAT bad?) and then there was him - not what I planned, hell I wanted to live in China after the last one (I really did),and now I have friends (?) who find it awkward to associate with me.

Will we ever speak? Will he ever speak to me again or think 'hmm. that was a nice chat/meal/time that we had'?

AM I REALLY THAT BAD?

Rants

Below is a post I wrote some time ago but never published. I am a rational human being but the sentiments are the same - I am still feeling all rubbish for failing at something and generally having a bad time - there the guilt of a Catholic girl; why do we always blame our moral upbringings (very useful for when you have kids, not so good for when you develop a complex)?. I am still all wounded and it doesn't help that everytime I enter his 'territory' I feel sick to the pit of my stomach with worry and rejection. I think he talks about me, makes dispersions about me as a person, how I was immature, too much like a little girl, too young, I meant nothing...you know usual oh-god-it's all-gone-wrong-and-I-really-am-that-bad stuff.I know rationally that he just isn't thinking about it and probably, it's just a straightforward he-hates-my-guts scenario. It always amazes me how people who cared and laugh together end up getting all snarly with each other and pretty bloody grumpy. Well, as the legend of Pandora's box notes, out of the box after all the bad things, came a small object that was all shiny and glowed with light; that was hope. Now where is the world if we don't have that (ethical save the planet head is on)? One day I hope we will be nice to each other again.So to my ex - I have tried to make the peace , hope is there and the door is open. Rock on up. By the way, I deleted all your numbers, it's a coping thing...

Here's the ranty bit (you have been warned):
Now I do like a little rant. Always one to let of steam and get grouchy, I do like a grumble - who doesn't? But sometimes, well, things just eat at you and they stop you getting on with things.

Now I have had a day of two halfs. It was all terribly exciting as I am getting involved in an event for work, which in all liklihood could be doomed for failure as it's all been a bit last minute by the organisers but hey at least they are trying. So I got to chat about events and realise that I do have a passion at last and then I got to see some old friends and catch up. Great half.

However, the other half was seeing the top of the ex's head and hearing his voice. He picked up the phone when I called to speak to my friend. No how are you's, tentative hellos or anything. Personally, I suspect he wishes I was on another planet. Yes, I still hurt - guilty as charged. However, at least I sent a text offering a cuppa - a wobbly wave of the peace flag but at least it was a wobble. No reply. Worst fears confirmed - I am a horrid person, but why do I set so much store in what he thinks? Now he ( well ok, the situation) has been making me cranky and miserable for ages as we have had a falling out. I got a bit funny at Christmas time and it all went into overdrive and we were being reactionary to each other. Simply; we don't communicate any more. You can take the relationship stuff but what's really sad is the natural click we had as friends and then the terrible things we thought and said about or to, each other. I love my boyfriend very much and I know that he loves me, that's not the quibble and I have no intention of buggering off just yet.

It's the self loathing and shame I feel about myself. Knowing that I got all het up and angry about something that I know, I had no power to change.All my pride and competitive bits are shining through; I feel mean and wounded all at once, and I feel quite ashamed and very sad that I have lost a friend that I made when I first returned to Norfolk and sometimes I think I am quite bonkers but I suspect that we all go there at some time or another. A bit like a rottweiler with a bone....unable to let go and all grouchy.

Book Habit

It's always the way; you go to your fave book site and end up ordering stuff that you really only lusted over and then you feel terribly guilty as all your rainyday money goes down the pan....I raise my hand and admit I have a book habit - one day I'll count them and let you know how many but the cook books alone, I would say, can guestimate in the 300 region. And I always seem to buy them for presents for people!

It's the lure of the bookshops you see. You get sucked in by the gorgeous pile of bargains on display and then you browse away looking for hidden gems that you would hate to pay too much money for in a regular bookshop. Instead you see ones that have dusty covers, elusive first editions, that must have recipe that you promise to cook immediately and finally, you come across the book that you were really looking for. The gasp of pleasure, the furtive look and possessive hand on the shelf as you look for more, the thrill of getting to the till and paying and then the guilt knowing that the bookshelf and the OH may give way at any moment. Nightmares are filled with charity shops being filled with your books and a big skip outside where they all get wet in the rain - I can't bear it!

Somebody once told me that it will never matter how many cookbooks you have, even if there is only one recipe you use, it is worth it. I don't use mine specifically, more adapt from with some disastrous consequences - cest la vie! I keep meaning to cross reference mine, alphabetise, copy recipes and discard, but it never happens. I love my books and the weighty feel of them, splashes of food and dog eared corners mean that they are fondly used (my Auntie said that a well used book is a good book - ie the more you splish and splash it means it is obviously being put to good use). I always say that a good cook book (well, food in general) is porn for the soul. Fabulous, dirty and secret. So naughty and you know you will get in trouble! I used to do a lot of dangerous sport, now I shop for books. It's the thrill of the shelf snapping that I'm weighting for.....

Looking Back ....

Sometime you look back and think 'oh yeah, I remember that'. I do that a lot - I remember sounds and senses, people and places - sometimes living in the past can do that - you think it is all so much better!

I listen to Laura's diary on Radio one in the evenings and I found a few diaries of my own the other day - it's brilliant reading back and remembering all the adventures you have had and how life events were so important to you and, you-centric when you were 17! Do we lose that as we get older? I suppose we do. I have looked back today at some of my past blogs - I rememeber looking out at the sea as I wrote one of them, I remember the strength of my promise to stop buying cook books as I indicated in my first ever entry and I remember the joy of passing my test! Funny what you recall and all the sights, sounds and smells. I often wonder if my friends remember the same things and how! I am also conscious that by having a life online I a more exposed and will always watch what I say and think. >

Bed (S)!

I may be getting a raised bed - hurrah, veggies here I come - something useful and hopefully I won;t end up killing them! Hmmmm, now whwre to put it, Dean has visions of a)not having one, b)have one but I take all responsibility and c) it must be in a corner (nobody put's baby [veg] in a corner - ah Patrick Swayze, what happened?).

Now the problem with the corner is that a) I have a romantic vision of this little corner seat with a gazebo of flowers to cover the drain - it may not happen but it is a dream and b) the corner has a drain - what if it leaks? I know we should be organic but I'm not that keen on being that organic yet!

But what joy, homegrown butternut squashes, courgettes (no marrows please), parsnips, tomatoes and much more - I will be in foodie heaven and my drean of self sustainability will be that much closer....I wonder if I can bribe the OH with more scalextric? Now there 's a thought.

Spring

Spring has finally sprung here in the UK. Admittedly, it's a little dull still and the evenings can be slightly chilly - but oh yes! those few moments of sunshine and warmth when you can don the shades and imagine summer, well, it's heaven on a plate!

And with spring, comes the ideas of a better person - fitter, healthier, more direction....doesn't it always - I inevitably end up wearing trackies around the house professing to be the next Nigella - Dean will tell you that the artistic ability in the kitchen that I claim to have, does not lend itself to be being creatively tidy or non - burning in nature! I feel very under -appreciated!

Anyway, the OH and I decided to be all lovey dovey on Saturday. Dean was very tidily creative and made cakes for my Nan (yum chocolate sponge cakes) and this gorgeous (please attribute that to my lovely cake stands that he hates!) chocolate cake with a lovely creme fraiche and chocolate ganache in the centre, covered in chocolate icing and walnuts - it looked great! Meanwhile, I was using some excellent steaks from the butchers in Wymondham. Hung well and with a great flavour, they were pan fried, shallots added half way through and the steaks left to rest, and then red wine reduction - hmmmmm, very tasty. Meanwhile the carotts were in batons and popped in the oven with lashings of olive oil, herbs and honey. But not a couple to dwell on oily food (I had to use dripping for the roast potatoes though as they were delicious!) we did ensure we had boiled peas. It may not seem classy but it was food for the soul!

Then the rest of the weekend was spent in comfort heaven with bacon sarnies (three rashers, please!) and a huge meal at the OH aunts - the menu was something like this........ homemade chicken liver pate, dips and nibbles, then a smoked salmon,cockles and prawn starter (I'm not fond of fish but tha salmon was ok) followed by beef wellington (quite rare for me but it was nice) and chicken and sausages with lots of veg! Very tasty and then!!!! Rich chocolate cheesecake from the Sainsbury's magazine (will post recipe next time), hollowed out pineapple with strawberries and cream, fruit and birthday cake. Conversation centred around food such as how to smoke it, terrible things that can happen, the egg catastrophe (my horrid attempt at ice cream) and a raised garden bed! Hurrah, I may have one after all....all in all a huge success and now the time has come to convert my chef friend into an avid blogger....that way I get cheeky tips..... watch this space!

Valentines Day

Well, the most romantic (in commercial terms) day of the year has been and gone. Norwich played at home to Brighton (and won 3-0) but I suspect that some of the people watching it had lost out in other ways or been hit with a fairly hefty forfeit of some kind!

What did I do? Well, as we are entering the realms of trying to cut down on mass consumerism (OH thinks I buy far too much and he's right - sadly!) we went for a romantic drive along the old coast road; even the stars of the 40's would have been jealous! After wending our way through Wroxham with all it's glittering lights (and we couldn't help but comment on the chippy, we were hungry!) we made our way through Bacton and Walcott and into Cromer. I love this old seaside town with it's great turreted houses with huge bay windows overlooking the sea and gigantic curved arches above. Everything is so near and the centre of the town is old cobbled streets which culminate at the pier. When lit, this fabulous structure is like a welcome beacon in the dark and I love to walk along it to gaze at the waves.

Last night, once we had arrived in Cromer and navigated the terrible one way system (did I forget to mention that?) we strooled into town and found the last open cgipshop. It's won awards apparently - certainly not for the spotty little herbert behind the counters engageing character but for the fantastic fish and chips. Not too greasy, not too big, the chips are very good and you get a decent potrion topped with great fish in burn amber crust of batter. Add the obligatory salt and vinegar and you have a meal for two for under a tenner in a very romantoic location. As we sat and watched the pier and the few people strolling about while we wolfed down our tea, a young couple feasted on fish and chips in one of the shelters and looked like they had even brought the candles. Love ain't dead! The OH and I had a gfreat time and then returned home so that we could could sup champagne. But we didn't; instead we had an old fashioned cup of tea (contemporary as the it was rooibos caffeine free) and then we ate the gorgeously dense snad chocolatey cake that I was made for Valentine's day and then I surfed the net and he watched Scrapheap Challenge. We did it because that's what we both wanted...no pressure to conform and just time to be with each other. Now that was great food, great Valentine's Day and great bliss......

Le Creuset

Finally, I have a Le Creuset dish. Aftre hankering aftre one of these for a loooooooooong time, I now have another two on order - juts haven't told the other half yet! The dish I have is a 24cm casserole (dutch oven) and isa beautiful duck egg blue (I would have gone for volcanic but the size I wanted had been snaffled in the Debenhams sale). On order from BBC Good Food, I now have two beautiful cerise dishes (18cm and 26cm). I like the cerise coulur as it's comforting and fun! Oh dear, wonder what the other half will say when they arrive?!

Tarts for Arts

I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!

Starting at Creative Arts East on 12th September as a Youth Arts Development Manager....so grown uo. Haveto say that the old battle axe on the committe here doesn't seem sad to see me go but I'm not either....except that worrying about resigning dideat into my holiday a bit.....

here will be Tarts for Arts as soon as I work the Tarts (making) and Arts 9being0 bit out/ Bless Corrinna at work...she is giving me a carsh course.......

Bonsoir Bonjour!

Well, what a great holiday. Sailing from Ipswich to France and I wasn't sick once...imagine cruising over the sea in a Bennetau 38 called Habebe.....the gentle rocking ofthe sea (whick to be fair did make a few people sick but not me - yay!), watching porpoises skim the surf (I was asleep for that bit - rats!) and then being in the midle of shipping lanes, a French fisherman running us off course for a lobster pot, bombs by the French Navy and a boat shareres very bad hygiene. Ok it's not all food but it was very nice to be able to scoff without conscienceandwe did have some awesome 'campingtype' meals...made by moiof course! Thai Curry, Carbonnara, Sausage and bean casserole and then wadges of excelent French bread. We travelled to St. Valerie and swanm in the sea, sampled excellent French beer, sailed to Fecamp (better with the lights on) and trusty Dieppe...excellent bread and cafeculture - long trkto the Marina showers and loos though!

Fantastic time and I am suitably tanned enough to start the new job.....

This is my friend blog spot...he's just chuffed as he can work out the picture techie bits and I can't....yet! Excellent blog though and always makes melaugh; I give you.......http://leighsfood.blogspot.com

Health

Really tired at the moment. Craving comfort food all the time. Something said to be drinking buckets ofwater and Berrocca. Dean and I are on holiday next week and work seems to be getting busier all the time so I'm really stressed. A glass of rose and some home made wedges doused in olive oil and Norfolk herbs with a bowl of steaming tomato and red pepper soup with parmesan cheese, was enough to keep my sould happy for another day.

Mmmmmmm.

Friends and Organics

Wow! Saw loads of friends last week as me and the boyfriend hosted a BBQ. One of my oldest friends arrived with her husband and as he drink flowed we suddenly decided we both like cooking - a lot! So we both went on a rampage around the house looking at cookbooks. discussing Mermaid bakeware (he has it, I don't, I want some!), preserving, found a really cool site where you can log books that you leave lying around and monitor their journey of exchanges.

We all had a great time and the boyf and I decided that we would bite the biscuit and finally.....get an organic box scheme. My friend and her husband get one and regularly provide updates but when we recieved ours on Thursday, contrary to all the rave review we had read, out tomatoes were mouldy and had to be chucked, our lettuce looked limp and as Leigh would say 'GRITTY!' and the box was water logged. We are now seeking a less 'real' box scheme. Don't get me wrong, I have no probs with slugs, caterpillars and grit but I can't pay money for mould....no way!

Anywy, the BBBQ went really well, we all had a bit much (well Dean and I did) and we had some fab food locally produced. There is a small farm could Osier Farm in Mautby and I know the farmer. His cows are happy and well looked aftre, he is not a commercial money baron and the eggs, meat and potatoes are al reared on the far,/ Perfect....and so reasonable. I walked into the gate and was surprised to see an honesty box in the garden (which had tiny stepping stones and was enclosed with a gate to the barn and fields). I really wanted to stay. I suspect I'll go back for eggs and meant next week, especially as I want to use the fresh eggs for my 2nd Christmas cake...yes I have made the first and included dates and figs and it looks perfect.

The Salsa at the party was my idea to accompany the meat.....tomato, red onion, 2 chillis and mango; cut it, cube it, slice it and mix...eat it at room temeperature. Lovely!

Now back to surfing for local producesr a la Rick Stein.....

Driving

At last, after 7 attempts, too much comfort food and a course of hypnotherapy, I am a fully fledged driver!

What were my first thoughts as the examiner told me I had passed (pity he remembered me from last time - never a good sign...especially the police car...)?

Yes to go to a farm and indulge in a spot of PYO fruit and veg so I can stack up the new freezer. I can think of nothing better than puicking all those juicy berries as you sometimes squeeze one or two a bit to hard and they ooze down your fingers and have to be guzzled very quickly.

The weather here is beautiful at the moment and the new office move means that I have one of the best views in the town. The two windows overlook the seafront and I can see golden acres of soft smooth sand and the sun is just glinting on the wave ripples in the distance ....but it is freezing!

Time to try some of the best bits of the summer....strawberries. Warm them to room temperature and they become something else!

KitchenBlogging

Having hundreds of cookbooks (the shelves are groaning under all that weight), I decided that I had better start sharing some of my adventures in cooking! More enthusiastic and keen rather than anything else, I do try my best but sometimes accidents happen.....exploding lemon curd and the shortest flan pastry ever!

This blog is more an opportunity to try and stop buying so many cookbooks and finally delve into why I got them all in the first place.....all that lovely food. There may be one or two hiccups along the way but I am sure you might have a giggle or two reading about them......