Summer Days

Ah absolute bliss. I'd had a rather stressful day at the office on Friday and had called the OH requesting a much needed visit to the pub for that night - I needed a lot of beer, sun and the hum of sunny days conversation.

However, what a surprise! The boyfriend calls me back and says, let's go for a picnic by thr river - we know a great little spot.

So, when we were home from work that evening we packed some nibbles such as crisps and a muffin or two as well as salami, feta, oat biscuits, Prosecco, olives from Portugal and then off we set. We wandered down the shady, leafy lanes and oevr the train tracks and towards the river. About half way we towards the river, we crossed over a stile and ambled across the eadow, with it's huge singular trees amongst all the cut reeds. There is a little footpast that winds across twards the new Broad and en route, it crosses over a little bride lined with old telegraph poles. It is the perfect place to sit and look acros the waterway spotting bees humming in the clover, ladybirds and butterflies and watch the stunning (yellow)summer iris'sway in the breeze. As the evening cooled, we chatted, ate, enjoyed a perfect summer evening and then slowly walked home. Perfect.

England Wins!

.....well I did in the kitchen; and England won against Trinidad and Tobago in the World Cup tonight - very boring so I rummaged up a meal for my mate Andrew and I.

Fab chicken with cherry sauce - non too tart, I was a bit worried. Basically it goes like this:

Pan fry two chicken breast (I did 4) they should be dipped in seasoned flour first.

Then remove from the pan and add Dijon mustard or wholegrain, a generous splosh of white wine, balsamic vinegar, veg stock and seasoning. I also added onion and garlic. Pop the cherries in, as many as you prefer and then reduce. Add the chicken back to the pan or keep warm in the oven. Then serve with a selection of veg. We had pan fried asparagus, peas, and roasted potatoes done in Olive oil. All was great and followed by Ben and Jerry's ice cream, Porter Ale from St Peters Brewery and my Nan's homemade sloe gin - fantastic!

We have been sitting here playing about with design on the blog, set up a counter (like the worm?) and then A told me why Radio Norfolk keep playing a certain Queen song, he advised it was because of the world cup - typical.

Oh well, enjoy....

....and another thing (aka me and hopeless are twins)

.....as I was saying in Rants, it is all bit bad when two people get really angry and horrid with each other because there is so much feeling abound. I will never understand why I could love him and he could never love me, even though he wanted me to stay. He had no idea how hurt I was and I had no idea that he was more screwed up than I was. I wanted love and I wasn't looking for it but thought I had it - if that makes sense.

We used to have some marvellous times, larking about, eating out (food was a big thing) and I loved (and I mean LOVED) buying wacky presents for him.

He thought I was upset about his new girlfriend (well I was, but not to be sad enough to try and split them up, I seem to recall his ex doing that to us). It makes me angry though that he finally has respect for this new person, won't let her get upset, walks tall and proud with her, but hid me and appeared to have no respect for me. He doesn't get it but I needed to tell him how I felt and all the hurt and anxiety that had been bubbling away inside me for months whilst we were together, but wasn't allowed to tell in case I upset someone. His new relationship was a catalyst for this. Finally, the time when I try to tell someone how I feel and I lose them and they hate me. Do I really deserve that?

Sometimes there are points in a relationship when you know things and there are points when you ignore whats being said as you are too thrilled to be with that person. I hated being vulnerable every day and not knowing when my heart was going to break, or when i'd be stuffed in a cupboard to spare everyone else's feelings but mine. That's no fun.

I know! I chew everyone's ear off and they all think I am daft to feel so sad over it all as he's older and I have a more certain future now (alright, maybe I am) but hey, you got feeling, then you got soul! I mean, I finished it but I never thought I would say it was because I loved someone, which I did. Now I am a bunny boiler (according to him). And how can he work from a base where I am worse than the last one? If only you knew what she did! I am not even halfway there.

I was thinking last night - maybe it is me - there was my friend at UNI - I finished with him and then all my friends hated me, then there was the long termer at UNI - he went to another country (was I THAT bad?) and then there was him - not what I planned, hell I wanted to live in China after the last one (I really did),and now I have friends (?) who find it awkward to associate with me.

Will we ever speak? Will he ever speak to me again or think 'hmm. that was a nice chat/meal/time that we had'?

AM I REALLY THAT BAD?